Two Faced!?!?

I will admit to TWO personalities that I have found in myself.

I am a different person when I am in my role as mom.

I am a different person when I am in my role as wife with kids.

I sometimes am a different person when I am wife with no kids around...though this seems kinda normal.

Let's see if I can explain.

Things I find funny, but not when I am in Mom role:
Farting. Ok, I do find that funny in mom role too. Let me try again.

If a friend sharted, I would find this endless amounts of belly laughing...after, of course making sure they weren't anywhere near me. Sharting in the mom role? Not so fun, I have to clean that up.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am a fun person, when I am not being mom. I really am a fun person...but can't seem to fuse "fun" Stacie with "mom" Stacie. Even when I let go a little and try to have FUN with my kids instead of WATCHING them have fun, I don't know, it just gets ugly. Kids start freaking out that I am acting all "not momish" and start backing away slowly.

For example, a few days ago it started POURING outside, rain was coming down pretty hard. I said to the kids, "hey, want me to push you in the rain?"

Both looked at me perplexed.
"What?" I asked. "I am not going to push you down, just give you a nudge into the rain!"

(starting to see this as a scary thing instead of a fun thing, but my intentions were in fun)

Finally, Bubba, said, "yeeaaaa!" in his most believable I dare you tone.

I opened the door, stepped out onto the deck and summons him to follow me. His eyes were sparkling with anticipation...once outside the door, I gave him a little push. Right into the rain he went. He barely got wet, but he was so mad, that steam came pouring out (or maybe the rain was a little cold). He shoved me out of his way back into the house as I giggled. He slammed the door on me and started throwing a major fit.

What? I was just trying to have fun. Geez, back to being MOM and calming the fit down. Whatever. Isn't playing in the rain fun? I think so. Maybe next time I will do it without the pushing, baby steps.

So on the wife front, this was brought to my attention this past weekend. A friend of mine stopped by my mom's party on the 4th. He came with his two boys and seeing as he didn't know very many people I kinda stuck by him and talked about whatever. Seriously the comments I got after he left, were CRAZY.

My brother, Mr. Tattoo, says, "Damn, Stace, I mean, I know you got balls cause your my sister and all, but that was BALLSY!"

I thought, damn, what did I do, something cool? NO...he was referring to my friend being there IN FRONT OF Hubby. WHAT?!?!

HAHAHAHA, I started laughing. That's ballsy to have a friend here, in front of my hubby? NO, what would be ballsy is well, doing something sexual with said friend or whoever in front of hubby, THAT would be ballsy...and well, since that isn't happening I think I shall retire the ole ballsiness. Thankyouverymuch.

Oddly though, my brother wasn't the only one to comment. It got me thinking...why CAN'T I laugh and talk to my hubby like that? Why can't I smile and shoot the breeze with him? WHY is it funny when a friend says something totally inappropriate but if my hubby did (and he does) I get all mad?

Are there different rules to being a friend and being a wife, shouldn't I be able to mesh the two?

Is there a fine line in being responsible and being a fun mom and wife? I know being responsible is a good trait, but being uptight and no fun isn't.

With Hubby's alcoholism, I have often had to be the "grown-up" and be the one responsible. Now that he isn't drinking will I be able to relinqish that role? Will I be able to let go and just have fun?

On the same note, not only have I assumed the responsible role, but my Mom pointed out several times over the weekend that she wasn't "Grammy" because she was in her party mode. She wasn't on Grammy duty. So clearly she separates the person she is from the Grammy that she is...hmmmm, see the pattern here?

I don't know, but I would like to try being a little more relaxed and having a little more fun in being a mom, in being a wife. Maybe those around me won't be so surprised when they see my "friend face" come out more often.