Monday, September 29, 2008

J-lo booty





As I stood in front of the mirror examining my backside, I frowned at my reflection.

"Why does my butt stick out like that?" I cried.

"Well, that is because you have the *insert maiden name* ass." my cousin replied.

We were just preteens and I still remember this conversation with her. My lower back arched to showcase this little (or not so little) round booty. I hated it. Why did my booty have so much volume?

As the years went on I don't remember obsessing about my booty anymore, it was just there. Now *almost* 35 lbs lighter (pats self on back) I have gone back to obsessing about my rear end.

"Where is it?" I cry.
"Why can't I find pants that lift it?" moaning like a preteen again.

I have the flattest ass known to man now. Well it really isn't FLAT, but all that plumpness has, um, deflated...or more like SAGGED it's way down to my thighs. I think ass and boobs are in a competition to see who can get to my knees first.

I need to get back to the J-Lo Booty, I need some butt lift exercises...er, some magic to LIFT AND SEPARATE...oh wait that is for the boobs...I just need LIFT for the rear. A rear lift. I know if I would start putting my backside (why is the post feeling dirtier and dirtier to me?) in motion, I could have that nice plump HIGH booty again. I just need to get off of it!

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More Madness from Stacie's Madness at 9:46 AM
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13 Sharing the Madness:

  1. well if you're not going to give us pictures what's the point??? ;)
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  2. Love the new layout!!! So cute!

    Don't even get my started about my butt.
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  3. complaining about a flat ass having just lost 35lbs? and you want sympathy?! lol

    seriously, my mom has the flattest ass of any human. thankfully, i didn't inherit that. maybe send an email to a fashion professional asking how the flatasses out there can make their butts look rounder???! shit, hell if i know.

    and i'm with liam. where's a picture?! doesn't have to be a nekkid one! ;p
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  4. lol - too funny! My boobs are in the same race! Sadly, my saddlebags refuse to budge. grr..
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  5. 35 lbs. - that is great! We aren't every truly happy - are we?!

    Have a good evening - Kellan
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  6. oh my gosh...you have got to read my blog I just posted today! We must be flat butt soul mates to post about the topic on the same day!

    (I'm Leah from Leah's La La Land...could log on I forgot my password..I'm Blender Kimmy's Sister and friend of Hallie of Wonderful World of Wieners)
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  7. "who can get to my knees first" ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!!
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  8. Oh Good lord, you and me both J-Lo! :-)

    35? WOWZA.
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  9. oh i'm lauging!!! yeah, calories are burning!

    okay, so, i have always had a flat butt or so i thought, but as it turns out... as the back fat shrinks and the thighs get toner my butt is coming out of hiding... however, my boobs are wanting to look at it!
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  10. I love this! I used to obsess about my ass too...me and a friend have an ongoing debate about whose is bigger (stared like 20 years ago).

    Mine is in case you were wondering.

    Though my trainer has done wonders with it via weight training.
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  11. I swear you can read my mind. I was trying to find a pair of jeans that would make my ass look more JLo as well.
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  12. lol goodness gracious, you ladies are funny. Good thing for us men we only have to worry about size... show size that is lol... men should love you even for how saggy your funbags and play parts get too ( : ) ), remember men are not too far behind with saggy parts that move around with no grace whatsoever.. much less when they stop being productive or fun after a while lol... (yeah i rip my own kind too)
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  13. I knew a woman who had a concave backside. No joke...it curved in. She did not have "no" backside, she had negative backside.
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C'mon, pull up a therapy couch and tell me all about it...

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