there is a verse in this song that rings with me every time I hear the song.
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to
though, change song to blog...I know it won't be all rhyming then, but that is how I feel about this blog. I seriously write half of the stuff I write on here to get it out of my head....to no longer feel it's weight on my brain and heart. Sometimes just writing it all down feels better.
Then I go to dinner with a good friend. She confesses that she has been reading my blog (HI KARA) and I panic. I feel exposed, naked if you will.
It's funny because I know a few of my "in real life" friends read my blog, I suspect a few of my in-laws might too (not positive)...I mean I know these people MIGHT be reading, but as I post it doesn't really occur to me that they really are...does that make sense?
When I come here to write, it is almost like picking up a diary or a journal and spilling my thoughts....thoughts that maybe I wouldn't share normally. Yet, I come here, to the world wide web and post these thoughts...and then people comment, but it really doesn't feels like I have told something so personal to feel the chill of nakedness.
I did though, when she said she has been reading. Not because I have said anything here that I haven't told her about before, and not that I have EVER wrote something negative about her...I just felt my heart sink and I felt "exposed".
I don't post all sugar and love here, I post REAL honest feelings, things that are happening, good and bad...and sometimes to know out loud that a friend is actually looking in is a little scary. It's like my cover has been blown. My "act" of perfection has been blown...EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS I AM NOT PERFECT.
Am I making sense?
So tell me, do you have friends, family, in-laws reading your blog? How does it make you feel, do you "edit" your content with their presence?
I can't, won't, because my life isn't sugar plums and candy (I am hungry for some though) and I need this blog to release the good, bad and the ugly...
*this draft has been sitting my cue for over a week...and through that week these fabulous people ALSO blogged about blogging... LOL
Lisa @ Take 90 West
Kellan @ On the Upside and she didn't stop there...continued
they really state it beautifully.
Blogger ate my comment.. I think..
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate to what you're saying. And that song? What is that? I can't place those words at all, but they're quite fitting.
For a couple years, I had a personal blog that was basically for family to visit. I censored everything I wrote there so that no feelings were hurt. But last week, I started another blog where I feel like no one knows me and I can shoot off at the mouth all I like. LOL Let's just hope no one I know "in real life" ever finds it.
I say it like it is and if my friends/family read it , then Oh well life will go on.
ReplyDeleteThough there are some things I would never, ever post on my blog.
I know that at least one friend and at least one family member read my blog so I am sure to edit accordingly. It's sad that I can not find complete freedom in the blog-o-sphere - but I'm also glad that they take an interest in what I write. So, all in all I'd say it's a win-win situation.
ReplyDeleteI do not put anything out there that I dont mind others commenting on or knowing about for that very reason. I still understand the naked comment though. Sometimes its nice. Maybe Im an exhibitionist in hiding?
ReplyDeleteI went through that at first.. and then I got over it. Mostly because if I can't say it to someone's face, then why am I saying it elsewhere. (except for work stuff though.. that'd get me fired. ha.ha..)
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly IS a sugar plum, by the way? :D
I don't have any friends or family (that I know of) reading my blog. Sometimes when someone says they'd like to read some of the blogs I read (cause I comment on them IRL, when there is something neat or unusual written) I get all stuttery, thinking, well, if they read that, then they'll find my blog and they can't read my blog. It's not like I don't blab my mouth about all this stuff all the time, and I don't think I say anything different, but it just feels weird.
ReplyDeleteThere is one person in my real life that knows and visits my blog and that is only because he is the one that convinced me to start a blog (thanks Eric).
ReplyDeleteHowever I tried to tell two friends once about it and they thought I was strange and asking for trouble on the internet so I have never told anyone since. I love my blog. It is seriously my only outlet into the outside world some days.
First up, I love that song! One of my faves.
ReplyDeleteOkay, a very similar thing just happened to me. I know a lot of my family members and quite a few of my real-life friends read my blog, but I didn't know about this one particular person until yesterday. Not that it really matters, but like you, I did feel a bit "exposed". I think you hit the nail on the head when you said: "My "act" of perfection has been blown...EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS I AM NOT PERFECT."
Bingo! I feel that way too.
But hey, honesty is the best policy, right? Perhaps having a good friend read your innermost thoughts & feelings might actually strengthen the friendship? That's what I reckon, anyway.
There are times when I wonder if those of us writing or all on the same link someplace else...because I was having those same thoughts today. I have people in my life that do read my blog and I have to be honest...I have choosen to edit from time to time as a result. Funny...since my blog wouldn't seem like that at all. But it's true...it's the place that I feel safe and it's also the scariest place in the world at times. I'm right there with you my friend.
ReplyDeleteYes, my inlwaws and my parents and my brother and his wife, etc, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat definitely limits me a little to what I post but really, I will tell anyone just about anything about myself.
But I know what you mean when someone I don't know reads tells me they do, it surprises me. I prefer knowing...like comment or email for once could ya?
:)
It's funny how easy it us to spill our hearts out to people we don't know, but it is awkward and nerve racking to have the ones we know personally and love read it.
ReplyDeleteI still get sort of embarrassed when someone is like "I read your latest post last night", i feel like i should get defensive and be like SO WHAT? IT WASNT ABOUT YOU SO WHATEV.
I'm pretty detailed with what I write. So it makes it really awesome. Zero weirdness. (hah)
I hide
ReplyDeleteNo one knows.