Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sir-Bo-shits-a-lot

It was a beautiful day Saturday. I decided to whip out the lawnmower and give my grass a much needed trim.

Life with a dog, however had me FIRST cleaning up dog poo. As I searched the long grass for piles, I was cursing the damn dog. Why must he poop?

Bo, now to be known as Sir-Bo-shits-a-lot, leaves piles everywhere.
Lab Pictures, Images and Photos

Mr. President, you have your own Bo now, may I warn you? Get a pooper picker upper, someone to pick up poop on the White House lawn. Pay them well, sir.

I think I shall have to find someone to be my poop picker upper, but for now, it is me.

As I scoop another pile I think, dammit, I didn't even want a dog for this exact reason. Why do I have to house the dog? I don't want this dog. I don't love this dog. Besides all the hair around the house, the nose prints on the windows and doors, he eats like a pig and shits like a horse.

After filling an entire plastic grocery bag full of shit, I start up the mower. Thankfully it starts right up, purring under my hands, vibrating my arms. The sun is shining, I am in shorts, it is a beautiful day. Nothing beats the smell of freshly cut grass.

*sniff*
What the hell, pile o shit number one. Damn. Oh well, it's just one that I missed.

poop Pictures, Images and Photos

Side note, do not wear flip flops while mowing. Just sayin'.

A couple more times around the yard another land mine and another...

There is nothing worse than stale old ass poop chopped up in mower blades to reveal still stank fresher poop on the inside.

The grass looked great after it was all said and done. Especially the extra fertilized parts. Thanks Bo.


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More Madness from Stacie's Madness at 5:30 PM
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21 Sharing the Madness:

  1. THIS is why we will never have a dog.

    Thanks for the laugh though...laughing WITH you, not at you!
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  2. Solution: Don't mow. That's what we do, and it tends to work, until the neighbours complain. And then I tell them off, and they're now scared of us, and wouldn't dare complain. In fact, our neighbours all take turns and mow our lawn for us.

    Just kidding. Sort of.
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  3. Solution - Buy a pooper scooper that looks like a space age contraption and make the kids do it. They'll be excited about it because of the new scooper for at least a day or two.
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  4. Reason #42 why we don't have a dog. I'm just NOT going to spend time picking up shit.
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  5. you poor thing : (... the pooper scooper thing is a nice thing to have too actually.
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  6. i have a dog. my husband cleans up the poo. which means...it's still all over our front lawn. and the pool deck. and lately, i've been in charge of cleaning up the dog puke, which she happens to like to do RIGHT IN FRONT of our front door.
    yeah...i love dogs. they are SO great.
    want another one??
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  7. ** sorry i forgot to give you that tip - do NOT wear flip flops when mowing lol **
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  8. One of the many reason why I love my cat.... all the poop is in one spot.
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  9. LOL That is just fertilizer my dear. Aren't you supposed to just run it over with the mower and keep on going? Our dog yard is the greenest part of our lawn!
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  10. And this is one of the reasons we want to get rid of our Princess Poops-A-Lot. David just runs over the poop piles, but then he is using a riding lawnmower. I'm sure that makes a difference.
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  11. Actually, there is something worse. Try hitting that hidden pile of poo with the weedeater and having the now wet poo fly up and land in your mouth and eyes. I've had that happen to me, more than once, even though like you I diligent scooped the yard.

    I swear one day I'm teaching my dogs to crap in the toilet.
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  12. Oh, funny, Stacie!! CRacked me up completely with this post!!

    And this is why we have cats. All that "lovin' from the oven" is all in one tidy place--and scooping isn't akin to a scavenger hunt. And I hate those wet nose prints on my car windows. Ugh.

    Hobbes is known as Mr. Busy Butt as he seems to crap constantly. Maybe we could do a children's book called "Sir Bo Shits-a-lot hangs with Mr. Busy Butt". I think it would be a hit!
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  13. I tell my husband, "That's why they call a dog a man's best friend." He covers the dog poop, but I am the toilet cleaner, not sure one is really better than the other. It's all poop in the end!
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  14. note to self, NO dogs, having foxes that poop in my back yard is enough, having kids that wont use public restroom for pooping is more fun. dogs are cute but cats use a box!!! :)
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  15. As much as I adore dogs, I just can't handle all the poop picking upping! (is that even a saying???)

    Hillarious you!
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  16. My neighbor has a lab (so do we, but my hubby is in charge of the poo)and one of my favorite pasttimes is watching her bob around the backyard picking up her dogs shit....she uses her hand with a plastic bag over it. Ew. Oh..and her name is Kitty, which just makes it even funnier to me. Bwhahahahaha.

    Heather
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  17. Invest in a large pooper scooper and use it every day. It's better than running over land mines. Dogs poop but their companionship is far better than all the other hair, poop, etc. They love unconditionally which is more than humans do.
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  18. Lol - and I thought life with cats was a stinky mess. :)

    I hope that mowing in flip flops did not leave you missing any toes!
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  19. My parents used to have a dog pen where they would run around and do their "bidness." Just a small area to clean up, and the yard remained free and clear.
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  20. This is perfect...I HATE spring poo clean-up. Maybe that's why we throw it in the neighbors yard?? Although now I just wish we had grass......I guess one benefit of moving last week is that I didn't have to do Spring poo clean-up. Welcome to your new home folks - don't mind the piles of shit in the backyard that I didn't pick up. ;)


    Glad you were able to get out and mow, bask in the sun, enjoy the weather. Where the hell did that sunshine go?

    Love ya,
    Kara
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  21. Poor Bo :(
    He can't help that he shits. Shit happens, right?
    HOWEVER, if I had his shit stuck in my flip flop wearing toes, I would definitely plug his butt!

    Just another reason why having a Chihuahua is great. Tiny shits. Bird-like shits.

    Oh, how many times can I say shit in the comment.

    Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

    I LOVE IT!
    ReplyDelete

C'mon, pull up a therapy couch and tell me all about it...

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