Ass Chewin

I was sleeping peacefully the other morning when I hear the door bell at 6am.

Confused, I roll over and close my eyes. Totally blowing off the sound, convincing myself that it was just a dream. The bell rings again.

I throw the covers off of me, groggily walk to the front door. With sleep in my eyes and my hair standing straight up, I answer the door. A lady stood there with fire pouring out of her ears.

"Is this your dog?" she sneered.

I rub my eyes and look down at the pathetic brown eyed and panting black dog.

"Yes, thank you." I say with a sigh.

Rewind back to the night before when STBE so graciously "babysat" for me. Being the "stand-up" guy that he is *ahem* he had decided to clean the gutters while he was there doing me a "favor". While he was on the roof, he left the gate open from the yard. The kids, being the stellar kids they are, let the dog out to go potty.

Bo, is a runner. We got him as a stray, he runs, it's what he does. He saw his escape route and too gratefully took it.

When I arrived home, I was home maybe 15 minutes when STBE asked me if I had seen the dog. To which I said, no, I've only been home a short time. It was then that he realized the situation and that Bo had gone out to gallivant around the neighborhood.

He'll come back, he always does. I closed up the house and went to bed.

Back to my early morning alarm.

As I open the door for the dog the woman goes into a tirade.

"Your dog has been in my yard for the past two nights," (not true, but I was too sleepy to respond), "I've been up since 3 am, my dog is VERY aggressive and will kill your dog. I drove around the neighborhood for an hour trying to catch your dog. You really need to figure out how he is getting out and take care of that problem. If I see your dog loose again I am calling animal control." She growled all of this without taking a breath.

Wow, OK. Right. Well. "I really apologize for your inconvenience" was all I could muster in my confused are-you-fucking-kidding me state. I close the door and give the dog a stare down.

I climb back into bed, hoping that I can fall back asleep for the 20 minutes before my alarm starts blaring the beginning of a new day.

As the kids and I are getting ready, Bubba runs into the bathroom to announce that Bo is bleeding.

Oh for the love of Pete. *grumble-grumble*

Sure enough, I wasn't the only one that got their ass chewed out.

Nothing says "good morning" like a good ass chewin.