I get tired of hearing myself rant about the "soon to be ex" (STBE). Yet, I keep allowing him to come into our lives and cause me such turmoil. I don't know how to stop it from affecting me.
I do know that I need to step away and get him away from me personally as much as possible, but it's difficult when I am living in our home (while it's on the market) and while he is still involved in getting the children to their destinations (practices, games, etc)
Last night I had an engagement that I had to attend to; after finding out my Mom would not be able to babysit, I asked STBE. He hem hawed around, muttering he had laundry he needed to do and 10 hour shifts at work, yada yada. As he went on, I just remained silent. After he took a breath, I asked, "would you be able to help out or not?"
He did. He watched the kids at our home. When I arrived home, I found he was doing his laundry that he brought with him.
In his words, he was doing ME a favor by sitting with the kids, why did it matter if he did his laundry or not.
Doing ME a favor? (I am not quite sure how I kept it together and didn't go psycho right at this point)
I replied with a smile on my face, "You shouldn't think of it as doing me a favor, but that you got to spend a few extra hours with the kids."
Sure it was condescending, hearing any FATHER say they had to babysit, infuriates me. Besides the fact that he could have just said no if he had too much to do; I would have moved on and found someone to help me out.
Of course, my comment sends him into a tirade about how I am NOT doing this, and I am NOT doing that. Knocking me down about any little thing that I might not be doing around the house. IE; not putting enough salt in the water softener, cleaning out the gutters, etc.
The thing is, as ridiculous as his tirades are, I can blow him off on the outside, but the inside is fuming. It is outraged, it is ready to battle war. THAT is what I want to change.
I want my inside to match my outside actions of letting it roll off my back.
*sidenote, how cute is that graphic? I want to redo my blog with her in my header, cause I totally look like that.
I cannot imagine what this must be like.
ReplyDeleteI do love that pic too.
What a jerk !
ReplyDeleteSometimes I just fake it until I make it--hoping that the outside demeanor will penetrate to the inside.
ReplyDeleteI can't offer up any advice. My ex doesn't speak to me. Ever. He emails me. He's still so angry. I just shrug it think how much it must sick to walk around carrying all that hatred.
ReplyDelete*sidenote, how cute are you? I love how you managed to end this post on a light note.
Hang in there. Once the house is sold and the STBE is just the EX things will settle down. He definitely knows how to push your buttons, so don't give the satisfaction of letting him get to you. I'm including a link to a divorce party video that a friend of mine made back when we held our divorce party song and video contest. Hopefully it will give a laugh. http://tinyurl.com/dazppa
ReplyDeleteI always leave your posts for last in my reader. That way I'm not distracted and can read and laugh til I snot or get pissed and am ready to drive over there and beat down STBE's ass!
ReplyDeleteJust hang in there babycakes. It will get better.
In the meantime, enjoy a cyber hug from someone who loves you TONS!
That is one of my biggetst pet peeves, fathers that say they are "babysitting" their children. He should have been thanking you for giving him extra time with his kids and not bitching that he had to watch him. That really pisses me off.
ReplyDeletei'm with you...you would think that he would be happy just to be with the kids.
ReplyDeletemen=assholes..lol
Wow - what a jerk.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you in that he should have been happy to be able to spend more time with HIS KIDS and not treat it like a dreadful babysitting job.
How terrible. I'm sorry :(
Arg...that would piss anybody off. And I love how you ended this! BUt I am sure you don't look like her...well not her head anyway, the rest of you, HELL YA!
ReplyDeleteThere is a time and place for condescending and that was one!
ReplyDeleteI so hated that when my ex would have the girls an extra day or two and called it babysitting or doing me a favor. I could never get him to understand that people just CAN. NOT. BABYSIT. their own children.
ReplyDeleteThe best from him was that he was a better parent and took the two younger ones to live with him. Um...first night...I get a phone call about what to do when...(you fill in the blank) I told him that I didn't get an operating manual when they were born...figure it out yourself.
The kids were back with me in three weeks. Better parent yea...the girls told me they had a fun vacation. I'm so happy they saw it that wasy!
please take out the "s" in that last word of mine. thank you!
ReplyDeleteIt is weird when dads say "babysit" not cool. Those are his kids and he needs to be cool with helping out as that is the fatherly thing to do. Why would he not want to spend time with his kids anyway!! Hope you are ok and everything works out.
ReplyDeleteOOh where to start.
ReplyDeleteHe was not babysitting. He was parenting and he should feel blessed that you allowed him some extra time with his kids.
Other than that...maybe you can fake it until you feel it. Hopefully your calm cool outside will soon be matched by the same feelings inside. Hang in there!
That picture is absolutely ME these days. And by the way, I hear how you want to rid the rage inside... it takes time. And even though you learn to manage it, if your ex doesn't change for the better, you can't control that!
ReplyDeleteYou will totally get through this... it just takes time.
I still dislike my ex. And Hate is not too strong for my husband's ex. Horrible relationship that we have to endure due to the children. But it's all about the children.
Get used to it. Two things will have to happen before he drops that 'tude. One, your kids will have to be grown or two, he'll meet ms. right--again. Number two is not a guarantee though.
ReplyDeleteI've always had a problem with that line...who's babysitting, dad? No, he's home raising his children. When he's out, do people ask, who's babysitting, mom? I think not! It's just expected from moms. Don't put up with the crap. You sound like your on your way. You know what you want.
ReplyDeleteSounds like he's picking you apart because he wants you to need him. The only thing we need men for is SEX {batteries not included.} Next time he's being an ass remind yourself he's not worth the energy needed to be irritated with him.
ReplyDeleteIt is so wrong when a parent says they have to "babysit" their own kids, especially since it should be a time to enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteNext time STBE pisses you off,just picture him as the big walking, talking penis that he is. With that pic in your head, it would be hard (no pun intended) to keep a straight face.