EXCEPT.
It's really not ticking me off as much as it just made me sad.
Bubba and Buggy came home last night from STBE's. They always come home with all kinds of things he's bought them (which actually DOES tick me off, cause ya can't buy love, but he sure tries).
Anyway, my point. The kids were exhausted. Weepy...defiant but in a we're too tired to even debate it but we aren't going to give in easily either kind of way.
As I was getting them to bed, Bubba lost his mind. Sobbing. Missing his dad. Through the tears he said, "I didn't think that selling the house meant that daddy would not live with us."
As much as I try to explain that daddy and mommy getting a divorce means that they don't live together anymore, he just cried and held onto my neck so tightly.
When STBE moved out back in March (?) the kids were so kosher with it, they seemed unscathed. I chalked it up to STBE not being around that much anyway, 85% of the activities were with me. It didn't feel like much of a change around the house, a little quieter, but not much felt like it had changed for them.
I think it has now hit Bubba. I am sure that being tired didn't help, but it's been more than just last night. His daycare called this week as well, letting me know that he's been very emotional and defiant towards the teachers.
It breaks my heart. After I shed some tears about it, I get ticked at myself. How could I have messed up their lives like this? I know that getting a divorce is what is best for me in the long run and ultimately best for them, but dangit. It sucks to see Bubs hurt like this. I tears me in two.
I know it's useless to get ticked about the what ifs and the mistakes I've made, but sometimes it does suck me down. I stood on the deck crying, smoking and reaffirming to myself (and the universe) that I'm doing the right thing. It will all work out and we will be OK. I know that it's true, it's just getting over these little hills unscathed that is the impossible.
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Oh that is so sad. I am just wondering, (wondering) if something was said while he was away that really set it off. It is so hard. But from reading for so long and knowing you now I do think you are doing the right thing. Hugs to you and your kiddos!
ReplyDeleteAwww...that is so sad, but one day, the kiddies will get it and see y'all have done the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI have a step-daughter from pDaddy's previous marriage and she had a hard time, from what I'm told, but she's going to be 14 now and can even joke around about it. Of course, there were some times where she was a bit "off", but we knew it was b/c her mom would say bad/negative things about her Dad which isn't supposed to be...you know, no "brainwashing" is part of the custody agreement.
I hope that it all works out in the end...am sure it will :) You seem like a cool and understanding Mom!
I'm so sorry, Stacie. It's a tough transition for all involved, I'm sure, but you're right - things will work out and be okay in the long run. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteoxoxox
I'm sorry too! Poor Bubs! But, if he's anything like Muffin, he's at an age where coping with emotional stress is harder than coping with a banged up knee. Poor fellow just doesn't know what to do! It's not your fault - and you are ENTIRELY correct about the fact that their lives will be better in the long run.
ReplyDeleteWish I could make it better or easier for you!
Aww, Bubba.
ReplyDeleteYou ARE doing the right thing. He doesn't know it now, he won't for a long time, but one day he'll understand you did the right thing for all of you.
I have no advice to give nor do I have any right to do so...just know you have my e-support. :)
You ARE doing the right thing. Sadly it is just the thing that kids really can't understand until they are older. Just hug him (like you did), let him cry (like you did), and explain that this isn't his fault and you are sorry that it hurts him so bad (like I'm sure you did). Kids are resilient. He'll get over it. I'm sure moving is just bringing everything together for him.
ReplyDeleteChin up Buttercup. This too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are having a yucky time. If it helps at all (which I know it probably doesn't) my parents divorce brought a hero into my life.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I had to steal your button and put it on my page because the pic looks like I feel today. Well, I guess not really steal, you kinda put it out there. And I am done with my rambling (yet I keep talking). Have a better day
Oh Stacie..it will so get better. I know from experience. I just pictured myself crying, smoking, sitting at my backdoor. I did it many times but does get better. Just keep reminding them that they are very loved by both of you. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteunfortunatly I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Try not to beat yourself up because in the end you are doing the right thing. Both my girls have a hard time dealing with it, and of course I sometimes look like the bad girl. If you ever and I mean ever need to talk let me know, I will be here for you. If you'd like we can exchange phone numbers just email me at tiatfournier@msn.com
ReplyDeleteHang in there hun.
((((HUGS))))
ReplyDeleteOh, Stacie that makes me sad. Hugs for all of you.
ReplyDeleteSo, I tagged you for a completely zone-free meme. (really, I was so out of it, I couldn't even answer a few questions lol). Come join the fun!
ReplyDeleteIt's just that reality is finally hitting the little guy. Nothing that a little extra love and hugs can't solve. Can you get him some books about divorce--you know, those kids books that deal with that stuff? I'll bet that would help. Just acknowledge his feelings and help him through. It will help you all through to address the feelings. --Dr. Lin
ReplyDelete(This one is free of charge) ;)
Oh, Stacie, I'm so sorry! Luckily (?) Sam was so little when I kicked his dad out that he has no memory of it. You are certainly doing the right thing! Nothing worse than staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of kids. (Which he suggested we do.) And Sam is always weepy when he gets back from a visit with his dad. I think his dad is a smidge responsible for it.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! Time wounds all heels.
Poor little guy. Of course he'll get over the hurt long before you let yourself get over the guilt, so please try not to be so hard on yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing and I know you know that. There will be times like this but don't let it get you down for long. They'll adjust and everything will be fine. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteJust hugs....
ReplyDeleteYou said yourself you know you are doing the right thing for you and your kids. Sure sounds like you are..so just hugs:)
HUGS to you and your children.... HUGS
ReplyDeleteMy kids would be fine for months, then have a night where they all sat and cried and complained...I think its pretty normal- for them, and for you to feel guilty! I mean, the feelings are normal, you should feel proud of doing what's best in the long run, even if it sucks sometimes now.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you all had to go thru it though...it makes a tough situation even harder. Just know that its good that he feels he can talk to you about it...that's the most important, I think.
thinking of you!
Oh honey, I know exactly where you are at. It's awful to watch your kids hurt and not be able to stop it, especially when you can find the cause of that hurt looking in the mirror. You are an amazing Momma and you will help him get through it.
ReplyDeleteSMOOCHES
awwwww Big Giant Hugs to all of you!
ReplyDeleteSending you a big hug {{{{{}}}}}.....
ReplyDeleteYou did - and ARE - doing the right thing. Like others have commented, kids are more resilient than we think. I love samsmama's comment: 'time wounds all heels'. :)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like a tough time right now. But I think that they will adjust in time. Hang in there.
ReplyDelete