Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Can't buy Love


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I love my children.

I don't need to show my love in the form of material things. Sure it's nice to buy them things, but it's not what they will remember when they are older. (At least it's not what I want them to remember) I don't want them to equate "love" with what they were bought.

Ex#2 just does not get this concept.

It's not entirely his fault, his mom is the source of his behavior. As a child, he remembers getting EVERYTHING he asked for and maybe didn't ask for. When he talks about his childhood it's all revolving around the things he had. In fact, he's still very into the materialistic things now as an adult.

Anyways.

Ex#2 has the kids every other weekend. Each time they come home they have something new that he has bought them. A new toy, or new shoes (which at least is practical and I do appreciate it).

Buggy was sitting at the table this morning and she offers up this lil tidbit:

"(Ex#2's name) said he is going to get me something more for my birthday because the necklaces that he bought just weren't ENOUGH for a birthday present."

me: *blink blink*

"OH? That's nice honey."

It's THAT mentality that just ticks me off!!

"Well, the necklaces were nice enough honey. It's really the thought that counts and the fact that you were surrounded by your friends and family that love you. It's not about what he bought, didn't buy or otherwise."

Now she's just blinking at me.

*crickets*

It is NOT about what you have; it's about who you are!!

"Well, if that is what he wants to do babe, then that is nice of him."


*****
After his weekend with the kids I got an email from him that let me know that the kids showered.

*looks around*

I responded with, "OK, thanks."

To which he replied back with, "oh and I bought them shoes."

Are you serious?

*works on father of the year award/metal*

My email back should read:
"Hey. Got the kids up for school this morning, dressed them, fed them breakfast, loaded them and their backpacks into the van, drove them to school and dropped them off. *shew* Tonight I will pick them up, get homework done WHILE I cook dinner. Once the dinner mess is cleaned up I will get their jammies on, read library books, and tuck them in."

Rinse, lather and repeat for next day.

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More Madness from Stacie's Madness at 10:31 AM
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24 Sharing the Madness:

  1. I don't know how you can stand dealing with him. I tell my kids "Stuff doesn't matter. People do." They don't care. They just want the new gadget or toy.
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  2. Kids are not going to care until they get older.

    My parents tried to tell me how it's not all about the gifts, it's about the thought, blah blah blah....

    I just thought my parents were trying to rain on my parade and when they saw me happy over a new toy, they just didn't want me to have it.

    But now that I am older, I understand.
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  3. Ug...good for you for keeping your cool! So hard when it becomes about the stuff!
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  4. My ex enjoys spending money on the kids for 'fun' things. I try to get them to find joy in every day life. In nature. In friendships. In stuff that doesn't cost money.
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  5. I think you showed incredible restraint with Ex #2.
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  6. Don't you hate ex's? Why do they HAVE to be the father's of our kids?? At least yours lets you know something...mine never tells me anything...he brings them home with black eyes and won't tell me how they got them!
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  7. Gr.. I have a friend going thru a divorce and it seems like the STBEx has the "one up manship" disease.
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  8. Someday they will get it, for sure. Really Ex #2 is lucky to still be alive after that exchange. You have got to be kidding me.
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  9. This is one of those lessons that will pay off in the long run. Maybe you could do a giving tree or something like that to reinforce your point of view that it is better to give than receive, or something along those lines, volunteer at a food line or something. You know what I mean.
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  10. Oh yeah, he's totally gunning for Father Of The Year. Too late, dude - way way too late.
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  11. don't worry, they may not notice now but they will realize as they get older "stuff" doesn't equal love
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  13. Sheesh. Men. Why do they want a freaking medal for doing what should be done? And I guess I'd be glad he bought them shoes or a new coat instead of a new video game. I gotta look for a plus in the situation, right?
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  14. i bet he's one of those guys that says he has to "babysit" his kids on the weekend they're with him...i HATE that!
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  16. Sounds like my sis. My kids know her as the rich aunt. They also know better than to ask me for the kind of things she buys them. My look alone would say no way in hell.
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  17. I always loved it when my ex had our kids for his weekend adn called it babysitting. I coud never get him to understand that people just do not babysit their own kids!
    What a dork!
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  19. holy fucking cow- my sentiments exactly!
    Wow! You BOUGHT stuff! That must have been very hard...I'm so proud of you...........huh.
    And you're right- they 'stuff' is very nice, but from experience I can tell you that its not what they'll remember: let me rephrase that; they'll remember it exactly for what it is...buying their love.
    You're doing the right thing...and new shoes helps sometimes :)
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  20. :)

    Trust me...they'll 'get it' eventually. They really will.
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  21. Ex's must be so complicated. I got lucky there. But you sound like the BEST mom and too bad that Ex#2 does so little that he has to document it. Feel sorry for him. It's all he's got. You've got it all..values, dedication, and self-sacrificing love. Your kids will appreciate you so much when they grow up.
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  22. LMFAO!!!!!!!! I totally WOULD send that as a reply. But thats me. :)
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  23. Please sent that as a reply, you could make a whole freaking week's worth of posts from his response I am sure. Let me be him for a moment
    "yeah, but dude, you are used to like showering and stuff. I actually had to work at reading them the porno mag I keep in the dresser. And oh yeah, I promised little lady that when she turns 16 she gets a new pair because...well you know...stuff like that is important to kids."
    My apologies to any I have offended.
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  24. Gotta agree on terms on how to raise the kids. If kids are being brought up this way (being provided with material stuffs), it would be so hard for them to be appreciative of little things. Train them to be simple and moderate their wants. Let them list the things they want and they need. Let them prioritize needs first. Problem here is if other people keep on supplying things that they want but not need. I guess it's fine but orient those people (Ex#2) to be moderate. If they can't help it at least they should moderate their giving...
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C'mon, pull up a therapy couch and tell me all about it...

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