Avoidance...er I mean Award

Lookie, lookie.

An award that I stole was given.

Probably because The Ninja likes my ninja ways...or wants to pop my cherry.

Or because I am avoiding awesome.

So this past weekend was the wake for my Gramma.

I was dreading going.  Wakes are no fun, especially wakes that include my Dad.  Not that I would really have anything to base that on.  It's been 26 years since we've had a funeral on that side of my family.

26 years that my Grandpa has been gone.  My Gramma was without her partner for 26 years.  That makes me sad, however, eases her death a little to know that where ever that afterlife is, they are together.

I was stressed and really have been stressed since the call.  From abandonment dreams to sensitivity towards Mr.FF, insecurities flying out as openly as ever.  The insecurities that I try to keep reigns on, the insecurities that I keep close and usually brush off as just silly feelings that don't need to be shared.

Poor Mr.FF.  He held up like a champ.  Even when I laid in his bed crying uncontrollable tears knowing where they were coming from but unable to put words to them, he just held me.  He just made me feel safe and loved.

I also was stressed over what to wear to the shindig.  Black is so cliche.  Do people still really wear black to these things?  I've seen black in weddings now...well, guess weddings/death = black.  I didn't want to wear black, but I didn't want to wear something overly cheery either.

I decided on brown.  Nice neutral color.  Dark, but not black.  I decided that it probably didn't matter much what I wore because I knew that I'd probably dress better than my Dad.  He showed up to both of my weddings in jeans, t-shirt and a baseball cap.

He did not disappoint for his own mother's wake either.  It was his usual uniform, but added some really bad chunky Harley Davidson boots to the ensemble.  His wife was in a tank long turquoise dress. 

Seriously people.

Overall, I held up nicely.  I have an Uncle that has always equalled comfort to me.  I love him.  Anytime I was feeling overwhelmed I sought him out and I instantly felt better.  Some people have that affect.  He does and I love him for it.

It is really weird though to walk into a room where people know your name, cheers look like you, are your "family" but know NOTHING about you.  They do not know how you tick, what makes your heart tick, how your brain works nonstop in your head.  They straight and simple do. not. know. you.  As much as they like to THINK they do.  They do not.

The funeral was Monday morning, however, my bruiser Bubba bad teeth was scheduled for oral surgery Monday morning.  So I had a great excuse made my apologies about not being able to make it.

That's that and that's that.

So my award, self rewarded or otherwise states that I have to tell you three things I love about myself.

This is fitting, right.

1) I love my eyes.  I love that they change colors.  I love when they are green.
2) I love that I have a quick wit, usually.  I can be comical at times. 
3) I love that through it all, every heart break I have a pretty good heart, a caring heart, a giving heart, a hopeful heart.

There you go bishes.  My weekend wrap up and an award.

Now, let me pass this award along to one special blogger that has my heart through the blogging world.

Ms Sassy Pants.  You rock my world.  Get yours girl.

Happy weekend everyone.